Spare the Rod & Spoil the Child

Xiao Baiyo, China's Wolf Dad surrounded by his four children

Today I read an article on China's Wolf Dad, Xiao Baiyo who definitely believes that all the spanking and the strict rules which he laid for his four children have given them academic and material success. In fact, Xiao Baiyou, who is from Hong Kong has written a book entitled "Beat Them Into Peking University" in which he  boasts how he used violence to train his children. 


This article and Xiao's publicised view on parenting  set me thinking. I am going to be a mother soon. What will be my approach to disciplining my child? What was my parents approach?  I remember being slapped by my mother and just being given a pretend slap by my father. But, even as a child I always knew that they raised their hands only when I was  really out of line. I do not remember how it affected my feelings of self worth or how hurt I felt at the time I was hit. But, the fact that I still hold my parents in high esteem and love them would suggest that their rare spanking did not leave any scars. Also, I do not remember  them ever raising their hands after I turned 13 or so. Maybe, there was no need.


Currently among my peers who are from urban India, I have seen a greater acceptance of the western way of sparing the rod completely. But, I have seen that as their kids grow up they seem to be so sure that they will not be punished or that their parents are so scared of punishing them that they are turning into real brats.


So what approach will I take? The extremely harsh wolf dad path, the middle path of my parents or the soft approach of my peers? This dilemma reminds me of a very interesting parable shared with me by an experienced elder. 


There was a cobra (India's most poisonous snake). He lived in a forest near a village. All the villagers were afraid of him as they knew that his bite would mean instant death.They stayed out of the cobra's path and tried not to bother him. One day, a saint snake visited the forest. The saint snake taught that the righteous way of living and being loved was the path of non-violence. The cobra decided that he will adopt this approach to living in the future. Soon, the villagers came to know that the cobra no longer bit anyone. They started throwing stones at him, hitting him and really making his life miserable. Finally, the cobra realized that something needed to change.He went back to the saint snake and told him how the path of non-violence was not bringing him any peace of mind and was instead causing him bodily harm. The saint snake smiled and said, I did tell you that follow the path of non-violence so you chose not to bite. That was the right interpretation of my teaching but did that mean that you stop raising your hood and show the villagers that you are capable of biting?