Five Lessons from 2011

Let God  plan your life, for no one else can be a more perfect planner!

Smile and the world smiles with you. 

Everyone is perfect just the way they are.Accept them unconditionally!

Never lose the child in you!

Words can hurt or heal, Think before you speak!

Life Is Beautiful!

 

Life is Beautiful! This is one film which has left quite an impression on me and I rate it as one of my favorite World War II movies. Before, I can really say why the film made such a long lasting impact, I guess for those who have not seen the movie, I have to narrate its story.

The film tells the story of Guido, portrayed by Roberto Benigni, a young Italian Jew. The first half of the movies shows how the young Jew, working as a waiter at his uncle’s hotel woos a local school teacher, Dora with his funny charm and charisma. Dora comes from a wealthy, aristocratic, non-Jewish Italian family. As always, her family wants that she marries someone who will match their status. But, then Dora falls head over heels in love with Guido and ditches her wealth and aristocratic fiancé. Several years pass and the happily married Dora and Guido have a son, Giosuè. Trouble starts when World War II begins, being Jews, Guido and his son are forced on a train to be taken to a German concentration camp. Though a non-Jew, Dora chooses to be on the same train to be with her family.

Once at the camp, Guido does not lose his sense of humour. He convinces Giosuè that the camp is just a game, in which the first person to get 1,000 points wins a tank. He tells him that if he cries, complains that he wants his mother or says that he is hungry, he will lose points, while quiet boys who hide from the camp guards, earn points. Guido manages to persuade his son that the camp guards are mean because they want the tank for themselves and that all the other children are hiding in order to win the game. He puts off Giosuè's requests to end the game and return home by convincing him that they are in the lead for the tank. Despite being surrounded by rampant misery, sickness and death, Giosuè does not question this fiction because of his father's convincing performance and his own innocence. Guido manages to maintain this facade right till the end of the war, when in the chaos caused by the American advance, he tells his son to stay in a sweatbox until everybody has left, this being the final test before the tank is his. Guido goes off to look for Dora but is caught and shot to death by a Nazi soldier. Giosuè manages to survive and thinks he has won the game when an American tank arrives to liberate the camp.

In the film, Giosuè is four and a half years old; however, both the beginning and ending of the film are narrated by an older Giosuè recalling his father's story. 

So what is it that made this film have such an impact on me? Sure, the acting, photography, the story itself was very touching and surely this Italian Film won many accolades. What made an impact was that it made me rethink the way I look at my life.

Guido in the film managed to convert the concentration camp into a game and Giosuè survived the war unscarred. All that he remembered was the beautiful game, filled with danger and obstacles yes, but in the end just a game he shared with his loving dad, not a period of torture and sheer struggle for survival. I believe, there is a Guido in each one of us. We are the Guidos' of our lives, we may create stories of our lives which may be bleaker than reality or more beautiful than reality. Not that we should live in a world of fantasy. But surely by just changing the way we view a particular phase of our life we can either be miserable for a lifetime or just by letting go, paint a different image and move on to the next joyous level in the game of life. That is why sometimes, we come across people who according to us have had the most awful life  and yet are so full of joie de vivre that we are left wondering; Just how is it that this person despite such an unhappy life has such a happy and radiant personality? And I feel its may be because the Guido in that person has painted his life as a wonderful game to be played and enjoyed and not as life full of struggle!

Spare the Rod & Spoil the Child

Xiao Baiyo, China's Wolf Dad surrounded by his four children

Today I read an article on China's Wolf Dad, Xiao Baiyo who definitely believes that all the spanking and the strict rules which he laid for his four children have given them academic and material success. In fact, Xiao Baiyou, who is from Hong Kong has written a book entitled "Beat Them Into Peking University" in which he  boasts how he used violence to train his children. 


This article and Xiao's publicised view on parenting  set me thinking. I am going to be a mother soon. What will be my approach to disciplining my child? What was my parents approach?  I remember being slapped by my mother and just being given a pretend slap by my father. But, even as a child I always knew that they raised their hands only when I was  really out of line. I do not remember how it affected my feelings of self worth or how hurt I felt at the time I was hit. But, the fact that I still hold my parents in high esteem and love them would suggest that their rare spanking did not leave any scars. Also, I do not remember  them ever raising their hands after I turned 13 or so. Maybe, there was no need.


Currently among my peers who are from urban India, I have seen a greater acceptance of the western way of sparing the rod completely. But, I have seen that as their kids grow up they seem to be so sure that they will not be punished or that their parents are so scared of punishing them that they are turning into real brats.


So what approach will I take? The extremely harsh wolf dad path, the middle path of my parents or the soft approach of my peers? This dilemma reminds me of a very interesting parable shared with me by an experienced elder. 


There was a cobra (India's most poisonous snake). He lived in a forest near a village. All the villagers were afraid of him as they knew that his bite would mean instant death.They stayed out of the cobra's path and tried not to bother him. One day, a saint snake visited the forest. The saint snake taught that the righteous way of living and being loved was the path of non-violence. The cobra decided that he will adopt this approach to living in the future. Soon, the villagers came to know that the cobra no longer bit anyone. They started throwing stones at him, hitting him and really making his life miserable. Finally, the cobra realized that something needed to change.He went back to the saint snake and told him how the path of non-violence was not bringing him any peace of mind and was instead causing him bodily harm. The saint snake smiled and said, I did tell you that follow the path of non-violence so you chose not to bite. That was the right interpretation of my teaching but did that mean that you stop raising your hood and show the villagers that you are capable of biting?

R.I.C.H

I want to be Rich.  This is the most common goal that is set by my generation.By my generation, I mean the twenty & thirty somethings. I am sure that this goal is now being set by even younger people.

But then our generation also realizes that just setting a goal of being R.I.C.H is not enough. We have been taught that our goals should be SMART goals, Specific, Measurable,Attainable,Relevant & Time Bound. So then the R.I.C.H goal  is made SMART by saying " I will be a millionaire by the age of forty, by saving 15,000 dollars a year for the next ten years and investing wisely." Wow so now that we know what exactly needs to be done,we go about working longer hours,showing our bosses we deserve to get that bonus, we deserve to be promoted and voila at the end of the ten years we are forty and we are millionaires. Goal attained, mission accomplished!

So now that we are R.I.C.H ,we have arrived. But, guess what No! we realize that the millionaire at forty is not so rich after all. And I am not just talking of inflation and real value of money. What I am saying is that there is more to be earned and millionaire tag is just not the same as the billionaire tag. After all the Forbes list of the richest does not feature millionaires any longer. Phew, lets get back to the goal setting and surely in the next ten years we would be R.I.C.H.

Well, this maybe too much of a generalization. But, surely at the heart of the matter is in today's world being R.I.C.H means being in a "Race for Increasing Consumption for Happiness". If you have a car and  a house of your own, it is not enough. The house has to be in the most premium locality,the car has to be an Audi or a BMW. Oh well, you have all this but then do you have a vacation home, a separate car for your wife, kids, nanny? Oh, but maybe we do not need one as we did not have the time for relationships, so no wife nor kids. After all,we were too busy getting R.I.C.H.

Well, a change needs to come about. The definition of R.I.C.H needs to change it should no longer be a race but a  "Reaching out for Increased Contentment & Happiness". Material achievements should not define our richness. We need to identify what and how many material possessions are enough for our comfortable living.  And when we do this we should not allow the neighbour,the friend or the media to set the standard.Sure, there is no harm in striving to do better.  But, then in today's world of innovation there is always something better out there. So true richness will be when we can make up our minds as to how much is enough for us today. Of course we need our creature comforts. But, then trying to attain something for the sake of attaining or because someone else has it, without analyzing whether we really need it is surely not sustainable living? After all, how much difference is there between a 42" LCD TV and a 50" LCD TV? Oh, but then there is always the LED.... :)

Bye-Bye 2011-Welcome 2012!

Today is the 22nd December,2011. It has been more than a year since I have posted anything here. A year and a quarter has passed me by and yes as always the passing time has been full of new experiences, events & personal milestones. It is that time of the year when you take stock of all that has been and all that you intend it to be. In the past, the taking stock has been a very personal undertaking, not to be shared. But, this year I thought that I should use my blog as the stock taking forum.
So what have I been up to? Broadly, 2011 has been a bit of a roller coaster ride, the ups and downs have been exciting and invigorating. In December,2010 I learnt I was pregnant and was on a high :). We were looking forward to being parents. But, in January unfortunately we lost our baby. Though,it was an early loss there was a bit of an emotional downswing. Not that I was constantly depressed or crying but I did shed the occasional tears. Thanks to my Company's policy I could take a brief break from work, spend time with friends & family and be back to my usual cheerful self.
Then, in May,2011 my husband, Amit & I along with a group of friends took an awesome trip to Istanbul,Turkey. We absolutely fell in love with the place, food and people. It was not only the wonderful architectural heritage but the very warmth of the people which made our trip so memorable. We came back all relaxed & rejuvenated.
And Guess what, June,2011 arrived with the happy news that I was pregnant again! This time we were not taking any chances. The doctor advised bed rest in the first trimester & I quit my job. I have been home since then. The nausea & vomiting kept me busy with no time to think; the first three & half months of pregnancy just flew by. Being at home was a boon. With the start of my second trimester,I really had the time for the fact to sink in that life is changing, suddenly the focus had shifted from excel spreadsheets, to knitting patterns. And well it was awesome.I wish every mom to-be gets a chance to be with herself,feel the baby grow within her and enjoy the attention of loved ones.That's what I have been experiencing.
Now that 2012 is round the corner, we are waiting to meet our little bundle of joy. Life will change again and I am ready to embrace the change.
So all in all, not a bad year's work at all! Bye-Bye 2011... thanks for all that you have taught me. I am now ready to let you go & awaiting to embrace 2012 :)